It was only a matter of time...

From time to time I receive those annoying emails
as I'm quite sure most of us do that generally come
from somewhere on the continent of Africa,
at least that is the "address" used
in the majority of those that I have received.

You know, the letters whose author usually
has a rather sophisticated sounding title
and begins with kind wishes and then tells of some terrible fate
that has befallen a relative of theirs
with an even more sophisticated sounding title than they
and they continue with the rather astonishing news
of their confidence in revealing to me that they have,
almost within their reach,
an unfathomable sum of cash,
money left to them in their dearly departed’s will?

Yes. Those are the emails of which I speak...

In each of the emails there is always,
oddly enough,
some terrible dilemma facing them
regarding the millions being deposited
or secured in their home country and,
even more astonishing,
they want (need) me to give them my personal info
(and bank account number)
so they can launder it to me
and then come to my country and pick it up,
all the while assuring me of my share of the millions!

Sounds incredibly legitimate, eh?

Well, these scams, shams, rip off artists, shell gamers, thieves, 
have become part of my weekly, 
sometimes daily routine and I usually toss them away in short order, 
directly in the recycle bin, 
but today I received one that got under my skin
wrangled my sensibilities, down right angered me, 
pissed me off to no friggin' end!

After reading the email
I said things that even made my muse blush
and her spine's made of titanium!
But I think I may have actually frightened her
with my
with my lethal language
and god-awful pounding of my fist upon the desk,
walls, counter tops and any other inanimate object that was exploitable,
believe you me,
it was undoubtedly justified.

From: Pittman Dewayne []
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2009 10:33 AM
Subject: From Sgt Pittman Dewayne,

From Sgt Pittman Dewayne,

It is my humble pleasure to introduce you in a deal that will be beneficial to both of us.
My name is Sgt Pittman Dewayne, I am an American soldier in peace keeping force in Iraq, I am serving in the military of the 1st Armoured Division in Iraq, as you know insurgents everyday and car bombs are attacking us.
My colleague Sgt. J. Frawley and I managed to move funds belonging to Saddam Hussein's family. The total amount is US$ 10.7 Million dollars in cash. We want you to stand as our partner to receive this money, so that you may keep our share for us till when we will come over to meet you.
My colleague and I will take 60% while you take 40%. No strings attached to this deal, just help us move it out of Iraq, Iraq is a war zone.
We planned to use diplomatic courier to ship the money out in a trunk box, by diplomatic immunity coverage. If you are interested I will send you the full details.
My job is to find a good partner that we can trust and that will work with us as partners. Can I trust you? When you receive this letter, kindly reply me to signify your interest including your most confidential to work with us. Send me your telephone/fax numbers, for quick communication also your contact details. This business is risk free. The consignment can be ship out in 48hrs upon your interest indication.
With respect,
Sgt Pittman Dewayne.

A real goddamned pisser that one, eh?

First Bush takes our men and women of the armed services
and puts them in an unjust and illegal war,
then steals their legs and arms and heads and lives
and rips whole families to shreds, U.S. and Iraqi, but now?
Well now some lowlife son of a bitch is taking their names
(or their status)
and trying to steal what little money’s left!
For all I know it’s the war criminals, Bush and Cheney,
scheming to steal every last drop of the money (we don’t have)
before January 20th!

Damn this pisses me off!

You? (Rhetorically speaking, of course.)
Homeland Security, where’s your outrage?
Bush, you might want to pull out the board.
Cheney, pick up that bucket of water and pour!

Since you’ve already “screwed the pooch”
You might as well do some good
Just before you tip your cowboy hats
And lurch out of the White House!

Find these criminals and put `em away,
But treat them kindly and with admiration,
Because you never can tell how things’ll go,
They could become your cellmates in prison...

(...The only “interest indication” I can say
Is I honestly wish, as I’m sure do you,
That I hadn’t scared away my muse.
Maybe I’m too angry to be creative, today?)


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